Gravity
by Femme Bono
Summary: Set during the current season (7) and about to go AU with a quickness! Shenny-centric, but with other non-canon pairings. Rated for possible later chapters.
1. Chapter 1

**Cht. 1**

**Gravity: n. the natural force that tends to cause physical things to move towards each other.**

Penny sat wrapped in a blanket on her couch, swathed in despondence and marinated in a cheap chardonnay. Her "comfortable, boring kind of love" with Leonard had long since fizzled out, ended by Leonard himself, when he finally admitted that they simply were not meant. It started a chain reaction through their group of friends, however, that shook up the entire structure of their circle and left the pieces jumbled and in disorder.

Leonard's life was great now. He and Dr. Stephanie had rekindled their spark, and when his things started turning up at her apartment, no one questioned it. When his Bat signal made it there, everyone knew the import, but no one mentioned it. He made a final return trip to 4A several weeks back for the rest of his belongings and terminated the roommate agreement with Sheldon. Sheldon was left having to buy four more pairs of bus pants—so he now had one for every day of the work week.

This rocked Sheldon's world, upset his years-in-the-making routine, left him without a ride to work on a daily basis, and prompted Amy to start suggesting they move in together. When Sheldon categorically stated that he would not allow this to happen, Amy terminated the relationship agreement and blocked him on Skype, Facebook, and even her cell phone.

She started dating Stuart again, even supplying him with a new mood enhancer developed in the labs that tempered his anxiety and depression. Inside three weeks, his new demeanor sent his sales through the roof, and he was actually in the black since the first year he started the business. Instead of spending nights cooking the books and consoling himself with the neighbor's cat, he went out ballroom dancing with Amy and they got their own cat shortly after he moved in with her. His name was O'Malley after the cat in _The Aristocats_ (Amy's choice, of course).

Penny's world was off kilter now as well. So many things had changed for her since she had met the guys. She could no longer tolerate stupid men and certainly could not date them for any length of time. That was the first big change. As she started dating Leonard and hanging out with "her boys," as she now thought of them, Penny's other friends slowly trickled away. Strangely, she did not miss them. Not the false camaraderie, nor the drunken stupidity that always happened when they were around. No more drama from that crowd. Her paradigm had shifted, she mused and chuckled. She now knew words like "homunculus" and "homeostasis," and she could almost use them correctly in a sentence. Her history class had started her on a chain of core college classes. She started with a general science class and upgraded to an intro to physics course, purely to understand her boys. The teacher was way better than Sheldon—at least at teaching, anyway—and took it way slower, but she still had to study her pretty little head off way more than she wanted.

Since she weaned herself away from her vacuous friends, Penny also found herself less and less involved in trying to find the latest trends and the priciest shoes. Instead, she started budgeting and grew a bit of a nest egg. She also took a page out of Sheldon's book and stowed away a bit of money in her favorite vase, which now sat empty on a shelf in the corner. She had not shopped in months, not even window shopping on Zappos…

Penny had delved into studying. She picked up two more classes and double shifts at the Cheesecake Factory, but her physics class just happened to be Tuesday nights, so she could not wait on the guys. She only saw Sheldon once in a while in the hallway, and he always looked as though he was on the verge of saying something, but he always kept going, simply nodding and continuing on as though they were mere acquaintances. What was _up_ with that, she wondered each time. But she never had time to confront him.

Yet here, at nearly 8 pm on a Saturday night, she figured she might just have the chance to corner him. True to form, Sheldon Cooper would traipse down to the laundry room at exactly eight fifteen for Laundry night and she would find out at last just why she was getting the cold shoulder from him, of all people. No sooner had she thought this, than it occurred to her that he may blame her for losing Amy. If it had not been for Penny and Leonard splitting up, there would be no vacancy in 4A…

Penny swept through the apartment, her glass of wine forgotten on the coffee table as she scooped up tank tops and shorts, hoodies and stray socks and stuffed them in the hamper. By eight-ten she was loading a washing machine and measuring out detergent. Five minutes later she was sitting on the washer when Sheldon walked in carrying his laundry basket of pre-sorted clothes.

"Penny," he gasped when he saw her. Penny hopped off the washer and braced herself for an onslaught of recriminations, only to find herself wrapped in the gangly awkwardness of a patented Sheldon Cooper hug. "It's about time you've decided to stop this foolishness and return to the unspoken structured system that we've had in place for six years now."

Penny gasped out a laugh. "Sheldon, I've—I've been busy!"

"Too busy for laundry night?" he queried. "Too busy to mooch off our dinners and spectacularly annihilate my character in Halo? Too busy even to come traipsing in and demand the Wi-Fi password?"

"Well…yeah, actually," she replied. "Besides, I sort of got my own Wi-Fi now."

Penny tried to figure out why exactly she felt guilty about this, and why Sheldon looked almost hurt that she would do such a thing.

"And what exactly have you been doing that you have repeatedly avoided your friends, including myself, every night for the last 4 months, 3 weeks, 3 days, and about 7 hours?"

"Okay, I'll tell you," she said, twisting her hands. "If you promise not to tell the other guys."

"Penny!" he tsked. "You know how I feel about keeping confidences."

"I know, Sheldon but I don't want them to think 'well there goes Penny, trying to be smarter than a box of rocks again' and basically pat my hand and tell me 'good job' or try to write my papers for me…"

Sheldon clasped his hands behind his back and waited for her to finish. When she did not continue he said, "very well, I will not tell the guys you are trying to further your heretofore pitiable education. However, I will stipulate that you are not dumber than a box of rocks—the Neanderthals you used to date are. What you are lacking, aside from a bit of refinement and a deeper appreciation of the truly wonderful world of trains, is an education to more fully support the lifestyle you want to lead. As you are well on your way to doing so, I will simply ask that you stop all this double shift foolishness and start working Tuesday nights again so I can get my cheeseburger. I have had to resort to Soup Plantation again with Rajesh and it in no way compares when I know I am missing the bacony goodness of a Barbecue cheeseburger."


	2. Chapter 2

Cht. 2

Sheldon Cooper skipped up the last step to his apartment, knowing that Penny would be right behind him. As soon as she dropped off her laundry in her apartment, she was coming over for an evening of Star Trek and Thai food. Maybe she would even let him beat the pants off her at three-dimensional chess…but he did not want to press his luck.

Sheldon was amused and relieved at how their conversation had gone in the laundry room. He found out that they were still friends despite their now broken circle, and best of all, he did not have to lie to the guys about what she was doing. She never actually came out and said what she was doing; he merely inferred her meaning from what she said about not wanting the guys to mollycoddle her about furthering her education. He still needed Penny around to serve his Barbecue Bacon cheeseburger though, so that would take some finagling. How best to do it though?

When Penny came through the door with an armload of books and papers, Sheldon started.

"What's all this nonsense?" he queried.

"I still have to study," Penny replied. Her wine buzz had long since worn off, so why not take advantage of the brilliant brain of Sheldon Cooper and put him to work helping her with homework, she figured.

What was this nutty female up to now, he wondered. No way on this green earth would he do someone's homework for her. Not even Penny.

"What are you studying?" Sheldon asked suspiciously.

"I have an intro to Physics paper to write, a crapload of remedial math problems, and a couple of chapters from _Lysistrata_," she replied. "Did you order already?"

"As a matter of fact, I did. Chicken satay for you, Mi Krob for myself, and a side order of dumplings for the two of us. It works out perfectly. Two dumplings apiece!"

"Great! What do I owe you?"

Sheldon's eyebrows arched into his hairline. "Twelve bucks, or should I start you a tab?"

Sheldon snuffled his same old laugh and Penny narrowed her eyes before pulling a folded twenty from her cleavage and flicking it at him. Reflexively, Sheldon grabbed for it before realizing where it had been and the promptly dropped it. He flushed and wiped his hands on his pants, fingers tingling from the thought of the still warm bill concealed in the swell of her bosom.

Penny tried not to choke on her mouthful of chicken as she laughed. Sheldon was looking dangerously close to a meltdown, so she swallowed quickly and patted the arm of the sofa next to him.

"Chill out, Sheldon, that's laundered money," she smiled. "It's clean."

"In what way is it laundered?" he asked, nearly climbing over the back of the couch to get away from the bill that still lay on the floor. "You mean like some mobster movie where the money is filtered through a legitimate business interest?"

"NO," she laughed. Oh how she had missed this! "I mean I accidentally washed it with my clothes."

"Oh." Sheldon readjusted himself in his seat, settling in again and picking the bill up off the floor. He placed it on the end table while Penny placed the lid on her leftovers and pulled out a textbook.

"What are you doing?" Sheldon asked as he started clearing the coffee table.

"I have to do like eight more problems before this is done. I need to get it finished if I'm going to at least finish my English lit homework and get the last two pages of my paper written before tomorrow."

"But Penny, tomorrow's Sunday!"

"I know, but I have to work another double shift tomorrow and all of this is due by Monday," her fingers vised on the pencil in her hand as she spoke, snapping it in half. She sighed, closed her eyes for a moment, and then tossed the pencil pieces into the trash bag Sheldon had sitting by the coffee table. Picking up another pencil beside her books, Penny opened the math book to a page marked with a folded piece of paper.

Sheldon was no expert at human interaction, but if he had to place the emotion, he would say that Penny seemed stressed. She had started what he considered her avoidance of them three weeks or so after she and Leonard split up, so if her assertion was true she had been taking these classes for approximately three months.

"Penny," Sheldon said slowly, "are you coming up on exams soon?"

"Ugh! Don't remind me," was her terse reply as she hastily scribbled an answer, her messy bun bobbing as she wrote. Sheldon watched her silently for a moment.

"How are you paying for your classes right now?"

"If I only take a few classes at a time, I can pay it myself with LOTS of double shifts at the Factory."

"Have you considered using financial aid and taking more classes?"

"Oh sweetie, I'd love to take more classes, but I have to eat too, pay bills, rent… Hard to write a paper with no electricity, ya know?"

"If you lived here, you could split rent with me. It would save you approximately a hundred-fifty dollars a month and if you count the internet, phone and cable bundle, you could save another ninety dollars by splitting it with me. "

Penny's eyes lost their focus as she considered what she could do saving over two-hundred extra dollars a month. Would he actually let her live here?

"Sheldon…wouldn't I have to pass one of your whacky tests or something?"

"Oh Penny, you know you'd never pass that. You're not a scientist by any means," he said, waving her off. "But you are familiar with my schedule and it would greatly benefit me if your schedule more accurately reflected mine."

"In fact," he said, inspired. "If you were to transfer to Caltech and get a work study job there through financial aid you could easily pay your bills and drive me to and from work every day."

She knew there had to be a catch. "Wow, so what would be in it for you?" she said dryly.

"Well, of course I would have a ride and a roommate, which would allow-," Sheldon cut himself off thoughtfully, then turned back to her. "Sarcasm?"

"Ya think?"


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Wow! The reviews are in and I never expected as much of a show of support as I've gotten. I've felt this story needed writing for a while…and I wanted to wait until I thought I had a clear sense of the characters, so a big thank you to everyone who's with it and to those who appreciate me trying to keep it in character. I love knowing I'm not the only one who can see this vision of them. I'm not saying it won't be rocky, but I am definitely saying that it could really work!**

S 33333333 P

Cht 3

_Knock, knock, knock_. "Penny."

_Knock, knock, knock_. "Penny."

_Knock, knock, knock_. "Penny."

Penny was face down on her bed, still in her work clothes when Sheldon's signature knock sounded through her apartment. She groaned into her pillow before rising and trudging to the door to open it.

"What is it, Sheldon?"

Sheldon took a good look at Penny, concern marring his usually bland features. "Penny! How many double shifts have you worked this week?"

"About three, maybe four, I've lost track."

Giving up on the idea of him stating his business and leaving, Penny resigned herself to a lengthy visit and plopped down on the couch. Sheldon stepped into the apartment, a manila folder in his hand that she had not noticed before, and closed her door.

"Penny," he began, striding over to sit in the chair he had claimed as his own. "As you are aware, I have been trying to figure out how best to work your schedule and mine around to where they are synced well enough to accommodate my transportation needs."

Penny rolled her eyes. Sheldon missed it entirely as he opened the folder to reveal a stapled document.

"Two things have occurred to me in my reasoning around the multiple scenarios we have before us and I believe they may be mutually beneficial and result in your being able to cut your hours at the Cheesecake Factory while simultaneously returning to your regular Tuesday night shift, during which you can bring me my Barbecue Bacon cheeseburger."

"Seriously?" she responded, leveling her gaze at him. Sometimes she just could not believe the lengths Sheldon would go to make his own life better.

"Did you hear a 'bazinga' in there? I think not," he clipped. "So, what I have here is a prospectus of sorts. First, it recommends that you do not renew your lease; as I understand it, you are coming up on your time to renew. Instead, I suggest that we revisit my idea to move in with me, thus allowing you to split rent, utilities, and internet, plus since you would be providing me transportation—which I will get to in a moment, I would also assist in paying for gas.

He paused to take a breath, and Penny started to interject, but he simply raised a finger and plowed on.

"The second contention is that you transfer your credits to Caltech, both from your community college back home and Pasadena City College, and that you sign up for financial aid for next semester through the federal channels, as well as the university itself. This will enable you to cut your hours back at the Cheesecake Factory—with the exception of Tuesday nights which you will return to and we'll just consider this aberration an anomaly never to be spoken of again. You can also apply for a work study job with the school, which will be a better resume builder than 'waitress' in any case."

"Third, it actually includes a rider for changing your major. With the courses you have taken both in Nebraska and here it would count as more than enough for the core requirements with the artsy fartsy types on the other side of campus. Now, I considered suggesting something in the theater department, given your ill-advised forays into acting, however, since the only thing you have managed to land is a hemorrhoid commercial, I think it's safe to say that your talents lie elsewhere. And frankly, with as much as you have to study, let's face it, frankly you are NO academic. You've been moping around here, stressed out and studying constantly just to get the basics and to be quite honest I find it to be a real downer."

Sheldon continued unabated, though Penny's raised eyebrow and crossed arms did give him pause. He just could not place why he felt she may be upset by his observations.

"So my suggestion to you is that you perhaps do something with the Fashion Institute—perhaps with fashion merchandising, since your Penny Blossom venture seemed to have some promise."

Penny uncrossed her arms abruptly and raised both eyebrows.

"I'll admit those people are a silly bunch. They usually go flapping around campus in obnoxious colors and talking about shoes. But since you have already drunk the Kool-aid there it seems only natural that you would join their ranks. I actually went so far as to obtain a leaflet from their department today from some extremely talkative and heavily perfumed woman at the reception desk. She smelled like patchouli and cloves, and it made my nose itch."

Sensing that Sheldon had finally wound down, Penny took the opportunity to jump in. "Sheldon, sweetie, I appreciate what you did, I really do…but I don't know how I feel about moving in with you. That bedroom, in particular, has a whole lot of memories that I would always be reminded of."

"Of which I would—"

"Sheldon, stop correcting my English! Just hear me out here. I love what you're trying to do, I really do. But everything in that room is exactly the same as it was when Leonard left and the apartment is the same, and I just worry that it would all come flooding back and everything I've built in the last few months would just fall away and I'd be the same dumb old starving artist Penny who had no prospects except what her looks could get her and no real drive in anything but her failed acting career."

"I see," Sheldon said thoughtfully. Then, in a moment of pure inspiration, he decided to take a page out of Amy's book. It seemed to work for them then when negotiating, he mused, so why not now with Penny? "Proposal: what if, you get rid of anything that drudges up memories—both here and in our apartment, we'll repaint your bedroom, and I'll help move everything in to your room, find places for common items in the apartment at large, and I'll even redesign a new flag and crest in honor of the new union."

"Um…what does that mean in regular English?"

"We'll do what we can to get rid of the old memories and start making new ones! And besides, the new studious Penny still has the old hardworking Penny driving her. You're not really new, so much as improved," he said with a genuine smile.

At that moment Penny could have kissed him. But she knew better.

"Can we use my shower curtain instead of the periodic table one?"

Sheldon visibly struggled with this. Penny wondered exactly how easily he was going to take getting rid of some of the things in his apartment. Then, he schooled his ventures and relaxed.

"Fine, but my whimsical ducks stickers stay, and I do not need to remind you of all people how necessary they are."


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Just a quickie! ;) But there is more to come quite soon. Meanwhile, a warning for those faint of heart. Sheldon's just jumped to decidedly OOC and this chapter is not for the meek or modest. Rated M for fully Mature Moonpie.**

Cht 4

Sheldon tried to ignore the shower curtain as the hot water sluiced over his neck and shoulders. He closed his eyes, tilted his head back into the spray, and sighed as the first time he encountered that curtain sprang unbidden to the forefront of his memories. She was lying helpless on the floor of the tub, that same dratted curtain draped over her, looking up at him as if he were her savior. His chest swelled at the fact that he did indeed rescue the damsel. Something else entirely swelled at the thought that the hero did indeed also peek. _Soup indeed_, he smirked, as his hand unconsciously drifted downward.

Yes, even he in all his brilliance was still just a man. And that woman—the one currently snoring in the other bedroom—was a personification of all that is sensual about the fairer sex. The wide angle of hips, perfect for procreation, the shapely legs and rounded bust, perfect symmetry in the facial features…all things that are commonly accepted as attractive by societal standards. And Sheldon's, though he had only recently allowed himself to admit it.

He could just picture that perfectly voluptuous mouth, with that slippery looking glaze she glossed all over them… _Ohhh_! The thought of her slippery mouth conjured images that he largely tried to ignore on a regular basis, but his body was already there. The hand that had been calmly stroking a semi-erection had nearly vised its grip on a now fully hard penis. Sheldon sucked air into his lungs and braced a hand on the shower wall as his hand began to pump harder and faster. He went back to that favored fantasy of Penny in the shower, only this time it was their shower and she knelt in front of him, glossy lips manipulating his veiny tool.

_Oh dear lord_! His perfect memory conjured the image of that full rounded breast under his hand and he squeezed his own shaft, his breathing now shallow as he worked himself, all too close to climax. In his mind's eye he could see his other hand at the back of her head, guiding her back and forth along his length and he felt the familiar tightening just before the warmth flooded his system and he pumped his release out on the shower floor. He closed his eyes to the evidence of his arousal washing down the drain and tried to slow his breathing to something resembling normal.

He had done what he had intended, he mused. He had gotten her under his roof. But how to get her now to see him as something more than a robot or cyborg? This too, would take some finagling. He quickly turned the faucets off and sprayed the tub down with a post-shower cleaning agent before toweling off and striding back into his room with a bounce in his step.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: As fair warning, I am currently recovering from one really cold, REALLY nasty ruck and spent last night recuperating with my feet up and my cup continually filling with whiskey and Coke—which probably explains chapter four. That being said, these next chapters will include a bit more fluff (by fluff I mean story) and fun…and by fun I mean smut. The story has already made itself and I know where it's going. The vehicle is already PMCSed, so strap in and wear your helmet. And those of you who think Sheldon would do exactly what he did in the shower, I tip my hat to you. I always thought that was why Leonard called him a "semi-pro" at the sperm bank, and why Sheldon says that not only are his goods "aesthetically pleasing," but "fully functional" as well. It's canon! hahahaha**

Cht 5

"So how's life treating you, PJ?"

"Eh, it's alright Mom," Penny said, wedging the phone between her shoulder and her ear so she could use her hands to strain the ramen she was making.

"How'd the move go?"

"Surprisingly, it was not that bad," she stated, dropping her voice as she glanced across the island at Sheldon, who was currently clacking away at his computer. "He actually helped move some things, even though he tried to organize everything in my room. The painting was no problem, even though he put down about a dozen tarps and double-taped the edges of everything. We went through _four_ rolls of blue tape."

"At least he's thorough. I'll bet it looks great, too."

"Yeah it does," Penny conceded, "even though I wanted to stop the first day and finish it the next night. He couldn't handle just leaving that one last wall unpainted for a while. So he stayed in there while I went to class and he did it all himself."

"So not only is he thorough, he likes to finish what he starts. Good qualities in a man…" Helen mused.

Finally picking up on her mother's subtext, Penny snorted. "Mom!" she hissed into the phone. "That is _so_ not Sheldon! He thinks the idea of sex is revolting and messy. And he's—he's _germ_phobic!"

"Okay, okay," her mother sighed, "I just like the way he maneuvered you in there. You know, he's not overbearing and hulking like Kurt. I don't have to worry about him getting too carried away and hurting my baby girl."

"Aw, Mom." Penny bit her bottom lip, wondering how mothers got to be so perceptive. Kurt had in fact once pushed a little too far over the blow up after he cheated, and Penny had worried that he might hit her. He put a hole in the wall instead.

"Besides," her mother cut into her thoughts, "he's not mousy like that last guy either."

"Leonard was not mousy," Penny countered.

"Baby doll, you rolled right over him and he let you," her mother said flatly.

She loved her girl, but that girl had a little too much spirit for that little guy. He would have wound up cowed and resentful. But that was neither here nor there, this new guy, the roommate of all things, sounded promising. Helen liked the way he skillfully maneuvered her daughter into a better, more comfortable life. She was now majoring in a subject that made her happy, she was saving money, getting home earlier in the evenings and had someone there at night.

True, Kurt had been a bit too domineering, which is probably what sent her running to Leonard who was nearly the exact opposite. Helen Harlow had a feeling that Sheldon would be a nice happy medium. She almost chuckled at the memory of Penny telling her about the prank war they had waged. Now that was a spark if she ever heard of one. This fella could be just what the doctor ordered. Helen loved that she got to sit back and hear it unfold.

Knowing that her daughter must have dropped her voice for a reason, Helen decided to test the waters of what Mister—no, _Doctor_ Cooper—would overhear and how he would take it. So she changed her questioning.

"Now Penny, speaking of men and your love life," Helen began. Penny groaned over the phone, and Helen paused to smile. "What's this new guy you're going out with tonight do for a living?"

"Well, he's actually a visiting professor at Caltech, so I'm not _technically_ supposed to go out with him," Penny acknowledged. "But since he's actually from UCLA and not a permanent staff member I don't consider it wrong, really."

"Uh huh. What's his name?"

"Trevor."

Penny was too busy with her noodles to register the fact that the keys had stopped clacking for a moment as Sheldon went still in his chair.

"And what exactly is Trevor a professor of?"

"He's an English professor. I had to go listen to this lecture on _The Epic of Gilgamesh_ and creation myths for that one last comp class I have to take, and it just so happened that he was giving the lecture."

"Huh. So what's he like?" She didn't sound excited, and frankly, Helen was pleased. Sounded like Sheldon still had a chance, if her darling daughter would get her head out of her behind.

"He's…well…he's tall," Penny began as she rinsed her now empty bowl before loading it in the dishwasher, "and he wears a lot of tweed."

"And he's named after the toad in Harry Potter," Sheldon muttered under his breath. Luckily Penny was too involved in her conversation to hear him.

Clearly, he thought, he had to step up his game and initiate phase two of Operation: Woo Penny. But first, to get rid of an interloper.


	6. Chapter 6

Cht 6

There was a knock on the door at three minutes before seven. Clearly, Sheldon thought, this man did not know Penny at all. She would at least be another eighteen minutes getting ready as she completely trashed both her bedroom and their shared bathroom. His eyes narrowed at the door as another knock sounded.

"Sheldon! Can you get that please? I'm not ready!" Penny called, hopping into the hallway with one heel on and the other in her hand as she simultaneously tried to slide it on her foot. She was wearing a purple body-hugging dress with her hair pulled back to one side and a yellow Penny Blossom clipped into her blond tresses.

Sheldon stepped over to the door and opened it about four inches. The man standing there was prematurely thinning on top and an inch shorter than himself. There was no color anywhere in his attire, and he looked distinctly nonplussed to have a man at the door.

"Yes?" Sheldon asked archly.

"Um, is ah Penny here?" he stammered.

"Penny who?" Sheldon asked warily.

"Penny Harlow?"

"Sheldon!" Penny called from the hall again. "What are you doing, ya fruitcake? Let him in!"

Reluctantly, Sheldon eased the door open and stood back, allowing Trevor to step in. Then he simply stood, hand on the doorknob, as if waiting for Trevor to change his mind.

Trevor cleared his throat. "So, you must be ah Penny's…" he raised a finger, tapped his lips with it as if trying to deduce just what Sheldon was to Penny. Sheldon supplied nothing, simply staring back, his brow arched derisively. "Friend?"

"Oh yes," Sheldon winked at the clearly uncomfortable man. "We are definitely friends."

"Is she—is she coming?" he asked, glancing back at the hallway.

"Not anytime soon," Sheldon said, then snuffled at his double entendre and walked back over to his computer chair to have a seat.

Since he had not been asked to have a seat, Trevor stayed standing and removed his jacket to drape over his hands. "So what do you do—Sheldon, was it?"

"That's Dr. Cooper to you. I work at Caltech as well. I am a notable theoretical physicist, whimsical genius, and future recipient of the Nobel Prize. What do you do, besides read books?"

"Ah, well," Trevor said, clearly flustered. "I too could be considered a scientist."

Sheldon's eyebrows shot to his hairline. "Sarcasm?"

"Well, no."

"Do tell," Sheldon stated, turning in his chair and propping a foot across his knee and clasping his hands behind his head. "I so need some amusement this evening."

Trevor frowned at Sheldon.

"I'll have you know, I am actually an anthropologist as well. I travel to foreign countries and observe cultural practices of—"

"Oh I see," Sheldon drawled. "You mean the _soft_ sciences."

Trevor sighed, resigned that this conversation was getting nowhere. "Where is Penny?" he asked beseechingly, as though he could wish hard enough and she would appear.

Sheldon merely gazed back at him as though he had not heard. He flicked a gaze toward the hallway as Penny strode into view. He schooled his features to blandness just as Trevor's jaw dropped.

"Sheldon, sweetie, did you ask Trevor to sit down?"

"No Kitten, I didn't," he said sweetly. "We were just discussing what we do for a living when you came in."

Penny spared Sheldon a curious glance at the nickname he had not used since he was embracing a life of nonchalance and bongo drums. Then Trevor spoke up. "Yes, Sheldon was telling me he works in theoretical physics."

"Yeah, he's an actual, _real_ scientist," Penny said, trying to convey that there was more to Sheldon than the character t-shirts and awkwardness. Based on his and Sheldon's earlier discussion, however, Trevor took it wrongly.

"Yes, Sheldon intimated too that he has a certain disdain for other sciences."

"If by 'other sciences' you mean pseudo-sciences, then yes," Sheldon intoned.

"Look, I don't know what sort of relationship the two of you have here, but I feel that I am a bit superfluous, Penny, and I have no idea why you made a date with me when your live-in 'sweetie' is right here like a dragon at the gate. I'm sorry, but I really don't think this evening should continue."

With that, even as Penny stammered for a response and struggled to decipher exactly what he meant, Trevor turned and let himself out of the apartment. Penny was rendered speechless for only a moment before she turned, narrowing her eyes suspiciously at Sheldon who had adopted an innocent mien.

He stood, twitching back and forth with his hands clasped behind his back as he gave his shoes the utmost attention, avoiding her gaze.

"Sheldon."

"Yes?"

"What did you do?"

"Nothing." Twitch.

S```````````````````````````````````P

"Sheldon! What the hell?" Penny turned; stomping after Sheldon as he went into the kitchen and calmly poured himself a glass of apple juice. He looked mildly back at her, as though he could not fathom how she was offended. But he knew what he had done, she realized, the arched eyebrow was what gave him away.

"You intimidated him, insulted him, and you are going to try and act like you don't realize what you've done?" she snapped. "Why did you just do that?"

"Penny," Sheldon said as though he were about to launch into a lecture of pure condescension. "That man was not even your type, much less did you have any prurient interest in him. I would argue that you were simply going through the proverbial motions, and I cannot even fathom why."

"You have no right—no right _whatsoever_—to tell me who I am into and who I'm not into!"

"Penny," he said slowly, clasping his hands behind his back and going into full lecture mode. "You clearly showed no signs of arousal or interest in that plebeian, low-minded boor. He—"

"That's enough!" she said, her eyes wide, hands vising as if they wanted nothing more than to slip around his throat. "If you ever do that again, I swear I will sell every action figure you own and take my scissors to your Flash t-shirts. Just because you have no interest in sex and cannot for the life of you understand what it is to be human or be stuck in a dry spell—"

"I've told you before, woman, that you are playing with forces beyond your ken," he cut in harshly, his eyes gone dark.

"And I've told you before, your ken can—"before she could finish Sheldon grabbed her upper arms and spun her. She slapped her hands on the island, the edge pressing into her ribcage as he stepped up behind her. He leaned into her, his mouth tickling her ear.

"What do you want me to kiss, Penny?" he breathed.

Penny was shocked speechless. _What the hell?_ Where was her Moonpie, and who was this guy? His hand slipped down her side and splayed around her waist, his thumb rubbing languidly across the silk of her dress. She could feel the evidence of a growing erection pressing into her behind. Just when she began to feel the inkling of fear, he took a half step back and lifted her hair to brush his lips against her ear.

"Do not make the mistake that simply because I find sex messy and mostly unnecessary that I've never done it, nor have urges just like any other man. I told you I have a working knowledge of everything in the universe."

He traced his hands down her arms and laid them over hers on the island.

"Everything you do has an effect on me, but that is no reason to succumb to those base urges and rut like an animal. I am in control of them, and there is a time and a place. But Kitten, understand this too: you may be a 'big ole five', but I am a ten."

With that, he stepped back, turned and walked steadily to his room, closing his door. Penny whooshed out a breath and stayed leaning on the island in case her shaky legs gave out on her. _Holy crap on a cracker! _She closed her mouth with a snap. That did not just happen, she thought. Sheldon Cooper did not just go alpha male and get her motor going like that, only to leave her panting in the middle of the kitchen! She needed to make a phone call… on the roof, out of the range of Vulcan hearing.

She snatched her phone off the coffee table and took the stairs two at a time. Leonard wasn't even sure Sheldon _had_ a deal, so clearly this called for someone with a lot more history with Sheldon. Penny clicked through her contacts to the one she was looking for and slammed through the roof access door, stopping only to stare out at the familiar scene of Pasadena spread out before her. She wondered what else was teeming under the surface that she had never seen or thought of, and then the call connected.

"Hey Missy?" she said, her voice shaky with the keen arousal she was trying to fight. "We need to talk."


	7. Chapter 7

Cht 7

"Alright, spill!" Penny hissed. "Sheldon's had sex before?"

"How'd you know about that?" Missy asked, amazed.

"Sheldon just told me."

"He didn't tell ya what happened?" she drawled.

"No. We didn't even think he had a deal at all. So give."

"Well, of course my silly brother has a deal," Missy laughed. "He just doesn't like nobody to know he does. Becky Thatcher's what started that."

"Becky Th—wait!"

"Yeah, yeah, I know. I swear that's her name. Parents read too dern many books," Missy muttered. "But she's what started it, right before he went off to college. So I guess he was about eleven at the time and he had a big ole crush on that girl. All the little fellas did, but Shelly finally got up the gumption to do something about it."

"Oh please tell me he didn't have sex at eleven!"

"Nooo! Yer reading me wrong. This is where the' icky girl' thing started. I'm getting to the good part, just hang on!"

"Okay…"

"Okay, so Becky rode the bus with us. And Shelly Bean decided he was a man of action and that he was going to let her know what his feelins was. So he dressed up real smart one day, pair of Justin Ropers Daddy had bought him, his best button-up for church, and his Wranglers. Soon as Becky stepped up on the bus, he popped up in his seat and started reciting that balcony scene from Romeo and Juliet. It was sorta sweet, but then all the other kids on the bus started laughing, and so did Becky. Sheldon was so ashamed he jumped off at the next stop and ran all the way home. He stayed in his room for two days and when he finally came out, he started working on that death ray. He also swore off liking girls and to this day swears up and down he hates the humanities."

"Wow. Poor Sheldon!" Penny sighed. Then, remembering her mission, she straightened again. "Okay, now get to the sex part."

"Well, that was after Shelly came home with his first PhD. And that's why he doesn't like strange folks in his room."

"Okay."

"George had a party one night—well, let me back up here a minute—Shelly came back with that doctorate, and he had a little more man on him than when all the girls had seen him last, ya know? He wasn't wearing bowties or suit jackets no more and some of them kinda took a likin to him. Plus he was fresh blood, ya know?"

"Oh yeah. Small town, got it."

"Right. Well along comes Lisa Turnbull. She'd just got her braces off and her daddy was a doctor in town so she was used to havin nice things. She was that one what always wanted the best of everything. Well, here's Shelly back and he's a doctor, smart as a whip, and going places. So she set her sights on him and he didn't know what hit him. Didn't help that she had really grown into herself, if ya catch my drift."

"Oh sure," Penny marveled. Was this really Dr. 'Whack a doodle' Cooper they were talking about?

"Yeah, so she starts flirtin with him hard and heavy every chance she could get, and at first he really thought she was just shinin him on, till she cornered him behind Lester Butler's store one day. Girl backed him right up to the wall, grabbed one of his butt cheeks in each hand and planted one on him. Then she tucked her number in his front pocket and copped a feel before she walked away. Poor Shelly didn't know what to do with hisself!"

"Wait a second!" Penny interjected. "Whoa whoa whoa! Sheldon said he'd never kissed anyone before Amy!"

"Shelly doesn't count nothing if he doesn't want to. 'S a matter of fact, as soon as I come around the corner of the store and that little trick sashayed away like the cat that got into the cream, he told me flat out that nothing happened—'cept I was watching the whole time."

Penny heard Missy's smug chuckle over the line and shook her head in disbelief. Come to think of it, Beverly Hofstadter had planted one on him too, and he didn't count that either…

"Okay, so did he call her or what?"

"Naw, I gave him so much hell on the way home picking at him that he didn't do a thing about it. Then a week later, Mama and Daddy went to a livestock show over in Harlingen and didn't come back til next day, so Junior decided to throw a party. Lisa got herself invited, of course, so while most everbody was out behind the barn, or getting busy in the loft, or cow-tippin or whatever, Lisa decided she was gone go visit Shelly, if ya get my meaning."

A brief vision of a much younger Sheldon screaming _Danger! danger_! flashed through her mind. "Yeah, got it."

"Well. He woke up when she slid in beside him, naked, of course. He wasn't exactly trying to kick her out though cause when she woke him up, she woke him up good and proper. But she tried climbin on top of him and thought she'd take the bull by the horn so to speak."

Missy stopped and snickered at this before continuing. "Well, Shelly wasn't havin none of that, besides you know how he is about germs and all kinda infectious disease and whatnot, so he flipped her on her back and grabbed one of the condoms Junior was always throwing at him."

"Throwing condoms at Sheldon? What?"

"He always said if Shelly got laid it would loosen him up some. Improve his mood, that kinda thing. Anyways, he proceeded to prove to ole Lisa that if you mess with the bull you liable to get the horn. Well, she did sure enough get the horn. Thing was about the time they were singing hallelujah, in came Pete Shillinghoff and Jenna Tatum looking for a spot to get busy in too. They stumbled in, flipped the light, and there was Shelly and Lisa wrapped around each other like a slice of bacon around a nice juicy steak."

"Ohh!" Penny cringed. She knew first-hand how it felt to have someone walk in while she was right in the middle of doing the nasty, so she could only imagine how Sheldon would take it, especially his first time.

"Oh is right. He started yelling, kicked all of them out, including Lisa, tossed her clothes at her and demanded that no one was allowed in his room ever again. None of us ever said a thing either, because if we talked about him and Lisa, he would have told Mama and Daddy about the party and then we all woulda been in trouble."

Well no wonder, Penny thought. "So how did you know what happened before whatstheirfaces popped in?"

"Oh well, Lisa told Jenna since they were best friends at the time, and Jenna told Natalie Ramirez who told Angelica Ramon and she told Junior because they were dating then, and Junior tried picking on Shelly about it, but that's when Shelly came back with blackmailing Junior about the party if he ever said anything else about it. So we haven't talked since."

"Huh."

"So, why'd this come up anyway?"

"Huh? Oh, no reason. Just ah, we kinda played Truth or Dare and it came up."

Penny ended the call with Missy and took the trip back downstairs much slower, with each step thinking about Sheldon and his eccentricities. But one thing occurred to her and that's what mattered. Sheldon really did have a deal, and if he did have a deal it explained his behavior with Trevor. Sheldon Cooper was jealous… Well then. What to do with that…what to do with that.

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When Penny walked into the apartment, Sheldon was seated at his computer, typing away as though nothing had happened—except he studiously ignored her, not even looking up. _So, if he prefers the ball in his court, we'll just toss it there_ _and see what the deal is_, thought Penny.

"Okay, _Doctor_ Cooper, since you ruined my date, you owe me a dinner."

Sheldon started at this, and glanced up finally. He took a long, measured look at her as though trying to discern her intent.

"Very well, it is Anything Can Happen Thursday, after all," he said, rising from his chair. "Grab your coat. We'll go to Celestino."

"That's the Italian place over on Lake."

"Yes it is."

"Okay, well I'll just get my keys, sweetie, and we can go," Penny said, flabbergasted. Who was this Sheldon, and did she even know him at all? She stepped back down the hall to her room, grabbed her keys off her dresser and made it back out to the living room just as Sheldon was opening the door to 4A.

He stepped over and snagged the keys before she could say anything, then tripped lightly down the stairs saying, "let's get a move-on Penny, there's still time to get back and watch _Battlestar Galactica_."

_And there's my little Whack a Doodle, _she mused_. He's still in there._

"Wait, what are you doing with my keys though?"

"I'm driving! Less talkin, more walkin woman, let's go!"

"You're what?!" she said, before following him down.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Just a short one, so we can see where exactly our hero's head is in this game. And to the Guest Reviewer who caught the mistake in Cht 7, it is fixed, bless you! And to think I wrote that chapter sober...**

Cht 8

Sheldon Cooper had the gift of being able to work long range on the things that mattered to him. Invisibility, time travel, string theory, all of these things he worked on like a knotted yarn, one little snag at a time, however long it might take. Sometimes he would table it and then go back to it, but he never let it go entirely.

Such was the case with the lovely Penny. Homo Novus he may be, but to propagate the new species, he needed a mate. Someone with sturdy genes and a fertile body perfect for child-rearing. When Penny came along, he had long since given up finding the perfect mate. Then there she was, friendly and at that time apparently guileless. He now knew better on that front, just as he knew when he saw Leonard fawning over her that it would never work, and he would be forced to wait Leonard out until the little homunculus came to the decision on his own. Lord, that man was obtuse, even with facts staring him in the face…

He now realized that Penny could, on occasion be a cagey little minx and downright vengeful at times, but it worked quite well evolutionarily speaking—for survival of the fittest, their offspring may very well need such tendencies. It only made him appreciate her more. For all that, however, he did realize that she never intended to hurt those she cared about and was even capable of feeling great compassion and loyalty. She would never laugh at his efforts to romance her or allow him to be embarrassed or humiliated if she could help it. When he thought of her kicking that hacker in the testicles, he actually felt a swell of pride. When he thought of every time she sang him Soft Kitty and made him grilled cheese with the crusts cut off or spaghetti with little hot dogs cut up, he felt a warm stirring in his heart. Hopefully not angina.

So he set out on a plan. The inception of Operation: Woo Penny came sometime after he met her, before being forced to view _The Lake House_, and before she even dragged him to the jewelry store to secure a bribe for Amy. Prior to that he was merely content with waiting out the inevitable painful end of she and Leonard's dalliance so that she could realize that his superior intellect and roguish good looks made him the clear superior and her ideal companion. Somewhere after the fifth or sixth stranger left her house doing the Walk of Shame, he realized that she may need a certain amount of convincing.

Thus, he entered into an ersatz relationship and allowed himself to be taught the ins and outs of conducting a romantic pairing. He allowed her to see him dance. He took note of her likes and dislikes, what traits she appreciated in a man. His biggest break-through to date was filling out the online application for that sham dating profile. Thanks to that little venture, he knew exactly what turned her on and what her ideals were in a man, in a date, and in a relationship. Thanks to that, he concocted a plan and Operation: Woo Penny was born.

And now the stage was set for Phase Two. He smiled smugly to himself as he rounded the car after opening the passenger door for her. So many years of listening to his brother talk about how to treat the ladies had done him well. George Junior was the right kind of ladies' man. Unlike the one Howard thought he was, or the one Leonard and Raj tried to be. So he started there. Pulling out all the cards his brother played. And Sheldon Cooper was from Texas. He could flat out play some cards. It also helped having an eidetic memory.

So one card on the table: during Penny's downtime away from the group-and after all too many trips to work and back via bus, Sheldon had altered his schedule enough to provide time for a defensive driving course and got his license at last. No car yet, but that was still in the research stage. Right now, he thought, it was time to start showing his hand. But not all of it. Not yet.


	9. Chapter 9

**Cht 9**

So Sheldon drove to Celestino, a strange silence enveloping the car as Penny had been utterly shocked speechless. She could not put into words the maelstrom of thoughts swirling through her head. He handled the car well, as though he had been doing it for years, yet she knew he could only have been at it for months. He was cautious almost to the point of driving like her grandmother, obeying all the traffic laws, earning a couple of honks for his troubles. And when he finally pulled into the parking lot near the restaurant, he smoothly swung out of the car and was at her door before it even registered with her. He took her hand and kept it folded in his, tucking it into his elbow as they crossed the street to the entrance. He met the maître d' at the stand as they entered and gave his name.

Penny glanced around at the bar and dining room, the deep wood grain and rosy tinted walls with the soft lighting made it perfectly romantic. "Sheldon, this is gorgeous!" she breathed as she followed he and the waiter outside to the patio. Sheldon broke contact long enough to pull her chair out, remembering his brother's words from years ago, as they had been emblazoned on his brain, "pull out all the stops, brother man, and the ladies would be putty in your hands too." So surely enough, for the woman he wanted, he would do so and do it to the fullest, as he did with everything.

He seated himself and looked at Penny, who was unabashedly staring at him as though he were a perfect stranger. He smiled, his genuine I Love Trains smile, so unlike the Kill Batman version, that Penny's quiet disbelief gave way to pleasure and she smiled back. "This is amazing, sweetie, but um… how did you already have reservations?"

"I came on the last Anything Can Happen Thursday, and liked it so much that I made it my new Thursday place since Giacomo's went out of business. I find their steaks are infinitely better than pizza, but I've also made Sunday nights pizza night from Fast Eddie's, which is infinitely better than Giacomo's anyway. There's a much more satisfying sauce to cheese ratio, which Giacomo's was sadly lacking, and is likely why they went out of business in the first place."

"I see. So what's good here?"

"Oh the Bistecca alla Fiorentina, without doubt. I also recommend the chocolate gelato. It beats the metaphorical pants of regular chocolate ice cream."

Penny could not stop the laugh that bubbled up. The place was _so_ elegant, but the discussion was _so_ Sheldon it was unreal. Here they were, sitting in an open-air patio lined with string lights and decadent scents wafting through the air. Yet there was Sheldon, rattling on about his whacky scheduling. The evening progressed this way, with Penny feeling every minute as though she was in a dream world. The steak was buttery and tender, the ambiance to die for, and the company...well, the company was what made it all surreal.

Penny thought back to the last time she and Sheldon had gone on any kind of outing together. They had gone to Disneyland and he had thrown up on her shoes after riding Space Mountain. This was so vastly different, she mused, as he chattered on about the episodes of Battlestar Galactica he was going to watch when they got back. She found herself oddly flattered that Sheldon was trying, it appeared, for her. He had jealously ruined her date with another man, shown an obvious and frankly intriguing attraction to her, and had turned it all around and brought her on what was turning out to be a really fabulous date. She almost sighed.

"So," he said, winding down, "what about you Penny?"

"What about me what?" she asked, jarred back from her musings.

"How are your classes?"

"Oh! They're fine. They're just...fine." _Was he really asking her about things that interested her?_ "We're going to a buyer's market next week-all of my merchandising class-and this week we sat in on a design meeting at one of the top firms in the area. It was amazing to see what all goes into fashion from a business standpoint. I had no idea."

"And how's work?" he said as the waiter rolled the dessert cart their way and a bus boy discreetly cleared their plates away.

"Work's good," Penny smiled. "I'm learning loads there too. I've started chatting up the designers when they come into the lab to work, trying to find out who some of their influences are and what design houses they want to work for. It's great networking, because if any of them get picked up, I'll have connections for when I start buying."

Sheldon could not care less what she was doing. He had no interest in buyer's markets or design houses, but what he did notice was how alight Penny was when she talked of her classes and work. She had cut back to part time at the Cheesecake Factory-still working Tuesdays-but the majority of her time outside of class was now spent working the design lab at the Fashion Institute. Their new routine was for him to meet her at the lab at the end of the day, walking to the parking garage together before making their way home after stopping at whatever eatery Sheldon's immaculate schedule called for on that particular day.

As it was, Penny could easily entertain the idea of Celestino's as their regular Thursday place, but only if they ate in rather than ordering take-out.

With the meal done, Penny waited patiently while Sheldon covered the check and joined her at the door. He again placed her hand in his elbow and ushered her back across the street to the car, helping her into her seat before rounding the car and easing out of the lot. Time to throw a few more chips into the ante, Sheldon reasoned, and turned the car in the opposite direction of the apartment.

"Sheldon," Penny said slowly, "you know home's the other way right?" She thought surely he was turned around since he was unaccustomed to driving in the city. Rather, he usually launched into lecture mode in the car or tried to play one of his boring sciency games instead of paying attention to the routes they were taking-unless God forbid they took Euclid Avenue.

"Yes, Penny, I do."

"So ah, where we goin, sweetie?" she smiled worriedly as he hit 110 and started crusing west.

"Santa Monica."

Penny could not help it. Her jaw dropped and she was rendered momentarily speechless. "But your shows..."

"Will wait." True to his word, within half an hour they were on Pacific Coast Highway, looking for parking. Once again, he took her hand and walked her right down to the beach. The lights from the pier gave them a clear view of where they were going, shimmering across the water and lighting up the beach for as far as they could see. The screams of people from the rides faded into the sounds of the surf crashing up onto the shoreline. Penny slid off her heels and walked barefoot in the sand, waving off Sheldon's protestations that there could be any amount of bacteria lurking there. Penny told Sheldon he would be better off watching out for crabs scurrying around waiting to pinch feet. This earned a yelp from Sheldon as he hurriedly looked around.

Penny threw her head back and laughed, then turned and took both Sheldon's hands and pulled him along. "Sheldon, sweetie," she laughed. "You've got to loosen up."

And then, not thinking or even questioning why, she kissed him.


End file.
